Learning Self-Acceptance and Understanding Disordered Eating

Every step is progress forward.

Americans spend a good deal of their time consumed with comparisons to others, analyzing what is wrong with their bodies, and controlling what they eat and do in an attempt to maintain both a sense of and a look of fitness.  Societal expectations of women's bodies and behaviors have created an obsessive culture of self-criticism.  In our current age of social media photo-editing, men also experience this at an increasing rate.  

This pressure extends beyond appearance alone. Even when busy beyond the norm, feeling guilty for not spending more time working out or “controlling” eating is a burden many carry daily. In the competing culture of masculine perfection and body positivity, many struggle futilely with balancing one value or the other, often in direct conflict with how they feel they “should” act.  

Eating disorders, disordered eating, low self-esteem connected to perceived appearance, etc., send many people spiraling into quick fixes, lifestyle changes, medical treatments, and withholding basic needs.  The more one searches for a healthy “fix,” the more one is subjected to conflicting messages of how to “control” one's body through mental “toughness” and doing “what’s best for you”.  Ultimately, most provide some results, but are too difficult to maintain.  The health and diet industry is a rapidly growing market, reaching billions of dollars annually in the U.S. alone.  

Despite these struggles and the booming industry fueling them, alternative ideas exist. On the contrary, hearing the terms body acceptance and intuitive eating sounds idealistic, but they are a hard concept for many to grasp. Why, because culturally we have been reinforced to disdain those values.

                          To understand why these alternative ideas face resistance, it helps to consider how we define appeal:

We have an image of a person with a perfect level of fitness, clear skin, luxurious hair, dressed well, and confident, and we idealize that as something to strive for.  Culturally, we subconsciously attribute values to the person of being “in control”, healthy because they work at it, etc.  In turn, this causes us to subconsciously criticize our own “laziness” or lack of determination.  

In reality, if we think about the people who are most attractive (i.e., attract our attention and make us want to be around them), it is often those with a positive personality, who are fun to be around, and who make us feel seen and accepted.  Now contrast that; those who are most attractive do so through energy, not appearance.  We can all call that person to mind and dismiss it, noting that we can’t achieve that, so we must look elsewhere.  This is where subliminal messages have trained us to look toward perfection in appearance and controlled behavior.  

                      This brings us to the question: Can “Intuitive Eating” Actually Change Anything?

You may have heard the term 'intuitive eating' in your search for ways to be happier with yourself or to live in balance with your body.  It seems a very foreign concept, to “listen to your body” and give it what it needs.  To eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full.  Many people have tried this, only to struggle with what it really means.  Eating in an “out of control” manner, or when you're hungry, eating what you want, sounds and often feels a lot more like being out of control or just not caring what happens. The idea of being that free and being okay with it sounds amazing, of course, but most people can’t stick with it because they feel uncomfortable with it.  It can be especially difficult for athletes or people with a regular workout, hobby, or routine, such as runners or avid bicyclists.  Those who fall into that category have often trained ourselves to eat at specific times and specific amounts, balancing proteins, fats, and carbohydrates for optimal energy and performance.  This can become very acceptable and admired by peers, and can also be considered disordered eating.  

                                                 Disordered Eating V.S. Healthy Eating

This is where what we know, what is repeatedly taught from an early age, is in conflict with what is true to nature.  Our bodies have evolved and developed over 10,000 years, but much of our basic biology remains the same.  Why?  Because it is perfectly balanced to keep us perfectly balanced.  The concept of listening to your body and giving it what it needs is, in fact, the very best way to keep everything in balance.  We have not developed the ability to monitor and manage our bodies.  In fact, our bodies have developed to do all of that for us so that we can spend our energy and time on more important aspects of survival and connection.  

What isn’t normal is that we have been taught and trained, often from a very young age, to override our bodies' signals and “take control”.  It is reinforced through acknowledging the things we really have no control over much of the time.  For example, gaining extra weight during early puberty is the body taking care of itself as it develops, but societal reinforcement encourages comparing others who “take care of themselves” because they look thinner or more muscular.  Eventually, as our bodies grow and develop, they all mature into our more consistent state.  Although each one may look different, those with less stress and restriction may accompany a less stressed individual, leaving more mental space for what they want to do.  

Restrictive, controlled eating isn’t, in fact, what is best or healthiest for us.  The concept of intuitive eating is often elusive to someone who has been reinforced for restrictive, healthy choices or for a fit, toned body because it feels as if they have worked to get there.  The reality is, especially for younger, active people, changing their diet or restricting themselves to less healthy foods often won’t change their appearance.  Although it might change other aspects, such as fatigue and energy levels, and lower stress levels.  

                           These cultural contradictions raise another important issue: When What You Say and What You Do Aren’t Always the Same.

With our best intentions, most women don’t want younger girls to grow up with the same body disdain that they have struggled with or to struggle with weight their whole lives.  They try very hard to live up to what they say about everyone’s body being different, and it’s okay, and how you look isn’t the most important thing about you.  All the while, if you are eating less, restricting desserts or things you want, weighing constantly, and criticizing how your clothes fit, those messages are internalized by children as the message that how you look is important, and that if you want to be acceptable, you will control how you eat and how much.  Even in the best homes where that isn’t an issue, social media, advertisements, and peers can wreak havoc on self-perception and what is healthy.  

Each time you restrict, pick, or monitor, you also reinforce to yourself that you are in control of how your body metabolizes foods and energy, not your body.  

                                  Changing Behavior is Trusting Your Biology, and Controlling Your Inner Critic.

How could one achieve intuitive eating without ruining their health or gaining excessive weight?  Intuitive eating isn’t “eating what you want when you want,” as much as it is learning to let your body have control back and listen to it.  It is learning to know when you're full.  When we override our basic systems over and over again, we don’t listen to any of it.  Many find themselves overeating when they do, especially if it’s something they like, because when we restrict the amounts or types of food long enough, we will eat past the point of fullness when given the opportunity.  It is a natural result of restriction or deprivation.  

Therefore, stopping before you’re overfull requires both mindfulness and slowing down and listening to your body when it is full.  

Eating more than planned because you are actually hungry?  That requires the same step as above - listen to your body and know when it is actually full.  Additionally, trusting that, for whatever reason, your body needs more food right now than you thought.  

Some ways that your body has wisdom that you don’t include craving or knowing when it needs more rest, not based on activity, but what is happening internally.  For example, if you are starting to get sick, you will be more fatigued.  If you allow your body to rest, oftentimes you will avoid the illness altogether, but because we are used to overriding the system, we stress ourselves at a time when we are unknowingly weakened, and the illness is worse or lingers.  

Eating can be similar.  If you give your body what it needs through listening to it, it can perfectly balance caloric intake, energy expended, and reserves for when you are more stressed or your immune system is weakened.  Where people often get confused is giving in wholeheartedly without being mindful.  Substances such as sugar can also be addictive, meaning that your brain’s reward system will see them as pleasurable and want to overindulge, whereas if you are mindful of your body, you will know when it is too much.  Sugar can make you feel jittery or give you a stomachache, too.  

Listening to your body is a practice that takes some time.  Starting to be more curious about what you feel and want and why can be a great first step.  Next, not to criticize, question, or override your needs will allow you to feel more balanced.  

There are underlying conditions that can cause weight gain or other issues, even when eating a balanced, healthy diet without deprivation.  Thyroid conditions are one example.  However, restrictive, controlled eating won’t likely do much to eliminate the issue.  If you are doing what seems balanced and are concerned about your weight or health, you should follow up with a medical professional.  

Here is one final comment about sugar, cravings, etc.  If you know something makes you feel bad, not having it around will help you end cravings.  If you want it occasionally, go get it, but don’t keep it.  If you eat in a balanced way when your body needs it, you will experience fewer or no cravings.  

Life is all about balance, and eating is no different.  Imagine if your body knew what it needed, and you could free up the time you spend each day comparing, pushing, restricting, and fighting cravings... how much simpler and more peaceful would your life be?